


what brought you to me

by Anonymous_Ostrich



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Anxiety, Depression, Desperation, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, I read that pro skaters often struggle with depression after they retire, M/M, Massage, Power Bottom Yuuri, Viktor is pretty much the best husband ever, Yuuri is 29 and Viktor is 33, blowjob, dealing with grief, so naturally I had to jump on that, these two are killing me so take this damn fic, they married af
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-06
Updated: 2016-12-06
Packaged: 2018-09-06 21:40:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8770354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anonymous_Ostrich/pseuds/Anonymous_Ostrich
Summary: Winter never used to feel oppressive. It had always been comfortable, familiar. Yuuri had spent the vast majority of his life surrounded by ice, building a tolerance to the chill on his skin. Lately, the cold had been getting to him, bleeding through his layers to maliciously freeze him to the bone. As Yuuri walked home from work, he felt the cold bite him as it never had. Like they were enemies now.





	

Winter never used to feel oppressive. It had always been comfortable, familiar. Yuuri had spent the vast majority of his life surrounded by ice, building a tolerance to the chill on his skin. Lately, the cold had been getting to him, bleeding through his layers to maliciously freeze him to the bone. As Yuuri walked home from work, he felt the cold bite him as it never had. Like they were enemies now.

Yuuri brushed the snow off of his coat before opening his front door and stepping inside. The warmth of the entryway hit him like a wall and fogged his glasses in record time, prompting him to pull the useless things from his face and set them on the table while he worked on unzipping his coat with clumsy, gloved fingers. As was usual, two excited figures - one covered in curly fur, the other wearing an apron and a beaming smile - came in from the next room to greet him.

"Yuuri~! Welcome home!" Viktor chimed, closing off the distance between them and scooping Yuuri into his arms before Yuuri could even shrug off his coat. Yuuri awkwardly prodded the front door with his foot from behind to ensure it was closed, the satisfying click of the dead latch confirming it for him. He struggled to find a spot in the curve of Victor's neck that allowed him to breathe, and pressed a cold kiss to Viktor's comparatively hot skin. Makkachin contributed by pushed his face between Yuuri's knees, his excited tail wagging his entire rear-end.

"I'm home," Yuuri sighed. Viktor tightened his hold for a moment before shifting to press a kiss to Yuuri's crown. He gently gripped Yuuri's chin and tilted his head up, offering him a concerned smile.

"Tired?" he asked knowingly.

Yuuri sighed again, confirming. "It's stupid, isn't it? I barely did anything all day… I can't even remember what I did, that's how little I actually accomplished. And yet I'm so tired at the end of the day."

Viktor fussed with Yuuri's fringe, brushing it back through his fingers. Yuuri closed his eyes, an automatic response to Viktor's pampering. "It's a different sort of exhaustion. Exercise and training are tiring but they are invigorating, too. When the body rests too much, it becomes sluggish."

"Sluggish. That's the word for it," Yuuri mused as Viktor stepped back and allowed him to peel his coat off. Yuuri draped his coat and his scarf on the back of the nearest chair, meekly resolving to put them away properly later. He reclaimed his glasses and started to gently wipe the lenses on the hem of his shirt. "I'm not trying to belittle Yu-chan's job, either… She's amazing at what she does and I'm grateful for the job, but I can't understand how she keeps her energy all day long. She's always so bubbly and productive… I'm afraid I'll nod off if it gets too slow."

"Yuko has been managing Ice Castle for a while now. She's comfortable. This is all still very new to you, _lubov moya_. You'll get there."

Yuuri - now capable of sight - knelt down to ruffle the fluffy fur on Makkachin's head. "I know… I need to be patient."

Viktor tilted his head, silver hair falling gracefully over one eye. "Did you get to skate at all today?" he asked gently.

Yuuri felt a warm rush of panic shoot needles into his stomach. "Um, well... Not really." Firmly squashing his fanning anxiety and forcing his lips into a smile, Yuuri glanced up at Viktor, maintaining his balance while Makkachin threw his paws onto his shoulders to better lick his ear. "Enough about me. How was your day? You must have been busy, since you couldn't make it down for lunch."

For a fleeting moment, Viktor's eyes seemed to dim in disappointment. They lit up a moment later, sparkling with eagerness. "Ah, I had shopping to do! I'll show you some good things in a bit, but first, I'm sure you'd like dinner and a bath?"

Yuuri took note of the apron, the illusive grin, and the glint in his husband's eye. He narrowed his own eyes at him. "Alright, you've piqued my interest."

"That was the point!" Viktor clapped his hands together. "Well come on, dinner's almost ready. I pulled out all the stops tonight, I really think I'm getting the hang of Japanese cuisine!"

.

.

.

The steamy bath water felt good on Yuuri's skin, but it didn't satisfy like it used to.

Baths had become more about cleanliness and relaxation and less about relief since he'd stopped skating. He supposed he should be grateful for a change like that, but all it did was depress him. His muscles no longer ached from rigorous exercise, his feet were always miraculously unscathed and wound-free. Baths used to feel better. Now they reminded him that it was all over.

Yuuri sighed and slid down into the bathwater, the water just covering his nose. He let his breath out and watched the bubbles. He was being childish. He had been preparing for this, he knew it was going to happen. Retiring from figure skating at 29 years old with no major injuries to speak of was a best case scenario. If anything, he should be grateful he got the chance to skate for as long as he did, and even more grateful that he got to experience his last few competitive years with someone he loved at his side.

Still, he couldn't help but feel like he'd lost something important. Something that had been a central part of him for longer than he could remember.

Somehow, working at Ice Castle made it worse. He thought surrounding himself with a familiar place, a place where he could still skate at his leisure would be a good transition, but it was having the opposite effect. Why even bother skating? Of course he still enjoyed it, but he couldn't skate like he used to. Without vigorous daily training, his muscles couldn't keep up. Axel jumps were hard. Triple toe loops were absolutely out of the question. Even if he could still land them, it was risky at his age. His body didn't have that same resilience that only youth could offer; botching a jump would likely yield more than a bloody nose.

Yuuri's thoughts were interrupted by a soft but rhythmic knocking on the door. Before he'd had a chance to answer, the door was sliding open and Viktor was stepping inside the room.

"Yuuri, are you alright?" Viktor asked worriedly, his eyes shining in relief when he saw Yuuri in the bath.

Yuuri pulled himself above the water, swiping his wet bangs away from his eyes. "Yeah, what's up?"

"I called for you, but you didn't respond. I thought maybe you'd fallen asleep in the bathtub and I got worried."

Yuuri's already pink face flushed in embarrassment. He hadn't realized he'd been so lost in his own thoughts. "D-did you? I'm sorry, I must have been distracted, or…" Yuuri rubbed his face with both hands, trying to wake up. "Sorry for worrying you."

Viktor was silent for a moment, which was so unlike him that Yuuri's head swerved in his direction, staring at his unfocused form in curiosity. Viktor noticed him and flashed him a smile. "Say, are you all done in here? If you are, I'll help you dry off."

Yuuri thought to stay in the bath longer, but A) he suspected he'd been in the bath long enough to prune and B) Viktor was offering to assist in drying him off, which either meant Viktor was being overly affectionate or that he assumed Yuuri was too listless to be trusted doing simple tasks. Maybe it was a bit of both. Either way, he couldn't possibly refuse.

By the time Yuuri had hummed an affirmative, Viktor had already procured a couple of towels and was extending a hand to help Yuuri from the bath. He gently pulled Yuuri to his feet, wrapping a towel around him and stealing a soft kiss to Yuuri's lips. He grinned, throwing the second towel over Yuuri's head to gently rub through his hair.

"You know, if I'd been a _minute_ longer I think you might have fallen asleep in the tub for real," Viktor mused. Yuuri issued a muffled chuckle under the towel as he fought to blindly dry his body.

"I was more tired than I thought, I guess," he replied.

"Mmm," Viktor rubbed Yuuri's hair for a moment more before his hands stilled. "Yuuri, I have something good to show you. Can you come into the bedroom when you finish drying yourself off?"

Yuuri blinked under the towel. "Ah, oh. Of course, I'll come in as soon as I finish up."

"Great!" The light of the bathroom flooded Yuuri's eyes as Viktor pulled the towel from his hair, sneaking another soft kiss to his lips. Their noses brushed as Viktor grinned at him. "And don't bother getting dressed, okay? Just a towel will do."

.

.

.

If there was a world record for drying oneself off after a bath, Yuuri easily would have taken gold this day. With a dry towel wrapped around his waist, Yuuri wasted no time making his way to the bedroom to see whatever it was that Viktor had prepared. Yuuri wasn't the best at predicting Viktor's surprises. It was less about knowing Viktor and more about Viktor being beautifully unpredictable. His fancies changed by the week, and there was little he didn't try or experience, so guessing what he was up to was usually a losing effort.

Flower petals in the hallway.

Yuuri stopped, drawing his eyes down and following the trail straight into the bedroom, where flickering, warm light was spilling from the doorway and onto the adjacent hallway wall.

Oh, boy.

Viktor was nothing if not a hopeless romantic, and even after five years Yuuri never tired of it, not even a little. Yuuri could be quite romantic himself when he put his mind to it - which he often did, on account of how irresistible his husband was - but Viktor was a romantic person by nature. It flowed naturally from him, he lived and breathed it. It was undoubtedly part of his universal charm.

Yuuri stepped into the bedroom, his eyes adjusting to the dim lighting. A sweet, warm smell hit him first. Incense burned diligently from the bedside table, surrounded by candles in a disparity of colors and sizes. They were littered all over the room, casting a relaxing spell over Yuuri almost immediately. The flower petals formed a path to the bed, where they were spilled liberally over the comforter and pillows. There was so much to take in, Yuuri forgot to talk.

" _Syurpriz_!" Viktor chimed, sliding his arms over Yuuri's shoulders from behind to pull him into an embrace. He nuzzled his nose behind Yuuri's ear, smiling against his freshly-cleaned skin. "Speechless?"

"Ah, sorry!" Yuuri laughed, pressing himself back into his lover and covering Viktor's hands with his own. He felt cloth tickling his shoulders but warm skin against his back, noting that Viktor had unbuttoned his shirt. "Viktor, this is… it's so _nice_. Did you put all of this together while I was in the bath?"

"You were in the bath for a while," Viktor purred, laying lazy kisses to Yuuri's shoulder.

"What's the occasion?" Yuuri asked, wishing Viktor would never stop what he was doing with his mouth. Again, he felt Viktor smile against his skin.

"No occasion, really," Viktor admitted with a throaty chuckle. He released Yuuri from his arms, stepped around him and clapped his hands together twice, as though summoning a butler. Makkachin emerged from behind the bed, head held high, holding something in his mouth. "Makkachin, bring the item!" Viktor commanded importantly. The excited poodle bounced toward them, pushing the object he was holding against Yuuri's bare legs. Puzzled, Yuuri reached down and took it from the dog's mouth, receiving a pleased lick to the back of his hand before Makkachin trotted off through the door behind them, seemingly contented. Yuuri chuckled, turning the item over in his hand. It was something small and soft wrapped in pretty paper, slightly damp from Makkachin's drool.

"What is this…?" Yuuri asked softly, pressing the pads of his thumbs gently into the paper.

Viktor grinned warmly. "You aren't allowed to open it yet. First, I want to spoil you. To do that, I need you on your stomach on that bed." He winked. "Tonight is all about relaxing and feeling good."

Yuuri obeyed without question. He set the small gift carefully on the bedside table before getting into position, crossing his arms under his chin. If he was being honest, lately his muscles had been more tense than he ever remembered them being, so he was more than grateful for this. It made little sense to him, considering that he no longer had to endure vigorous training regimens. Now that he thought about it, he supposed his muscles may need more exercise than he was giving them. Sore muscles weren't always the product of work.

Behind him, Yuuri could hear Viktor opening a bottle of oil and squirting some into his hands, rubbing them together thoroughly. Viktor's back massages were legendary. The first time Yuuri had received one of these heavenly treatments - all the way back when Viktor had started coaching Yuuri - he'd been reduced to a boneless, drooling puddle before Viktor even finished. He supposed at the time, it was also partly because he'd never once thought - never in his wildest fantasies - that the Great Viktor Nikiforov would be giving him a rub-down.

"Comfortable?" Viktor asked musically, his weight making a dip in the bed.

Yuuri hummed. "Very," he answered, the sweet smell of the massage oil filling his lungs as Viktor carefully straddled his hips. He felt Viktor bend over him to press a kiss to his spine.

"Good. Relax for me." Viktor traced his slick fingers down the length of Yuuri's back, gently kneading the palpable flesh underneath Yuuri's shoulder blades. Immediately Yuuri's world went fuzzy. He exhaled, nearly forgetting to breathe as Viktor worked his thumbs in tight, gentle circles, working flawlessly along with Yuuri's hitching breaths.

"Truthfully, I know you've been down lately," Viktor said, running his hands up over Yuuri's shoulders and squeezing gently at the base of his neck. "I wanted to give you a moment to take a breath and get your bearings. I thought a night of pampering might help."

Yuuri struggled to will his slack bottom jaw to help him form words. "I'm sorry," he said, words slurred as Viktor worked on his shoulders and neck, "I didn't mean to… You know, mope."

Viktor laughed through his nose. "Don't apologize. It's perfectly understandable. I just want to try easing the pain, if I can. Physically _and_ mentally."

 _You ease my pain every minute of every day just by being with me_ , Yuuri wanted to say, but Viktor was rubbing his neck just right and it was making his brain tingle. Instead, he managed a feeble, "You do,"

He heard Viktor laugh again, more fondly. "Ah, that's good."

A few moments of silence prevailed as Viktor focused on giving Yuuri an amazing back rub and Yuuri focused on how good it felt. What little room there was in his mind left for worry, Yuuri felt a small swelling of guilt. Had he been that transparent? Had he seemed miserable enough to warrant all this pampering? Yuuri didn't usually hold back with Viktor, but lately he'd been trying his best not to worry him. It seemed to have been rather pointless if Viktor had seen through him so easily.

Viktor's hands stopped on Yuuri's lower back, smoothing over his spine. "You've gone all tense." he noted softly. "What's wrong?"

 _Even my muscles are betraying me_ , Yuuri thought miserably. "Nothing, everything's… fine…."

A short silence permeated the air, thick with tension. Yuuri couldn't bring himself to turn his head. Was Viktor upset? Angry? Just as Yuuri was about to blurt out another empty word of reassurance, Viktor bent over, touching his forehead against Yuuri's shoulder, silver hair brushing Yuuri's cheek. "Everything's _not_ fine," Viktor replied gently, soothingly. "I know that you've been trying to keep your feelings about all of this from me, Yuuri. You haven't been doing it _well_ , but you've been trying. Please tell me why?" His tone was sympathetic, it was pleading, there wasn't a shred of discontent to be found. The sound of it tightened Yuuri's heart painfully.

"Because," Yuuri started softly, embarrassed at how his voice trembled, "it's so selfish, isn't it? You went through the same thing not too long ago… You're still going through it. Figure skating was _your_ life, too. It's no harder on me than it is on you, so-"

"That's why you _need_ to tell me everything!" Viktor put in desperately. "Who better to understand what you're going through than me?"

"How is that fair?" Yuuri asked, his voice unintentionally raising in pitch. "I should be stronger than this, I want to be able to support you just as much as you support me! Doesn't that…. Just make sense…?"

Viktor's fingers curled over Yuuri's shoulders, squeezing him gently. "No. Listen, Yuuri… I understand what you're saying, and I figured it was something like this. But this isn't as simple as a career change… A part of your life has been amputated. It's _okay_ to feel horrible." Viktor's voice was soft and earnest near Yuuri's ear. "When I met you, I had already come to terms with my eventual retirement. I'm not saying it made the transition a great deal easier, but I was still able to play an active part in the competitive world as your coach, so I may have… Well, unintentionally weaned myself off of it. You, though… One day you were skating at the world level, and the next you weren't."

He squeezed Yuuri more tightly, pulling in a shaky breath. "You're _grieving_ , Yuuri. You've lost something, and it's not coming back. But you aren't alone… I'm here, and I adore you. You're the most beautiful person in the world to me, on or off the ice. So please, _let me help you through this_."

Yuuri's heart felt like it was bursting, pulsing wildly in his throat. Viktor's onslaught of words had completely paralyzed him, but now that a slice of quiet hung in the air, Yuuri found his resolve and he twitched his shoulders.

"Viktor, get off me. Please."

He could feel Viktor tense in surprise. "D-did I say something wro-"

"No. I need to see you right now. I need… Yeah, right now. Please." It couldn't come quickly enough, if he was honest.

Viktor moved and Yuuri nearly jumped on him as soon as he was free. He threw his arms around Viktor's neck and kissed him as if starved for him. Viktor fell back into the pillows, breathing a soft "oof" into Yuuri's mouth, wrapping his arms around Yuuri and pulling him close. He angled his head as Yuuri eagerly plowed his mouth, sucking on his tongue, breathing in deep through his nose. Yuuri's hands moved on automatic, taking fistfuls of Viktor's shirt and tugging it down his arms. Viktor moved with him, shrugging his shirt off, making room for Yuuri between his thighs as the shirt pooled uselessly around his hips. The towel previously wrapped around Yuuri's waist had already come undone in the commotion, twisting around one of Yuuri's ankles.

They broke apart just enough to breathe hot against each other's mouths. Viktor's eyes were hazy with arousal, and he eagerly inclined his head to connect their mouths again; Yuuri slipped his hands to Viktor's shoulders, stopping him.

"I'm sorry," Yuuri blurted, his voice throaty from their frenzied kiss. "I'm so sorry. I was being an idiot."

A shred of clarity returned to Viktor's eyes though they were still blown open and dark. A fond grin tugged at his lips, and he tenderly held Yuuri's face in his hands.

"You are not an idiot, _lubov moya_. You are wonderful," He kissed Yuuri's nose, "impossibly kind," He kissed his jaw, "breathtakingly beautiful," A kiss on the neck, longer and lingering, hot and insistent. "amazingly talented," Viktor's voice was vaguely delirious, his mouth working a dainty bruise into Yuuri's neck. " _Mine_." he growled. Yuuri groaned, taking a fistful of Viktor's hair in his fingers possessively. He ground his naked pelvis down on Viktor's clothed groin, revelling in the feeling of his husband's erection straining under the fabric. Yuuri teasingly wiggled his hips against the delicious bulge, soaking in Viktor's small moans and tormented exhales, his own erection twitching and heavy against his thigh.

"Vitya," Yuuri's voice was heady and desperate, "I want it, I want it so _fucking bad_ ,"

Viktor's mouth mapped a trail down Yuuri's neck and nibbled the skin of his flushed chest, his hands slipping to grab hold of Yuuri's ass firmly. Yuuri gasped and Viktor caught his lips in another kiss, hot and smothering, as Yuuri grabbed blindly at the zipper of Viktor's pants, desperate to set him free. To his surprise, Viktor countered him by grabbing Yuuri's hips roughly and rocking their bodies forward, landing Yuuri on his back. Viktor slipped effortlessly between his legs. They pulled apart, Viktor's hand seeking out Yuuri's throbbing length, stroking him methodically while pushing Yuuri's legs apart.

"I won't last a _minute_ at this rate," Viktor laughed breathlessly, his spit-slick lips enveloping the tip of Yuuri's dick and swallowing it without giving Yuuri a moment to collect himself. Yuuri tossed his head back, positive he wouldn't last much longer himself. He felt wound-up, like he'd been pressing down a stubborn coil and it was about to come undone. He wanted release, he _craved_ it, but most of all he craved Viktor in every possible meaning of the word.

"Good, _fuck_ it's so good-" Yuuri's fingers glided through soft, silver hair, and when he looked down Viktor's eyes were trained on him, shamelessly matching Yuuri's disheveled gaze as he pulled his mouth up the length of Yuuri's cock, his wet tongue working tirelessly against the underside. His hair was beautifully unkempt from Yuuri's abuse, his mouth flushed from kissing and sucking, his eyes dark and penetrating and impossible to look away from.

"Viktor, s-stop," Yuuri pleaded, his cock twitching against the back of Viktor's throat. Viktor pulled his mouth away, leaving Yuuri's cock shining with saliva, his expression hungry. Yuuri exhaled shakily, pushing himself up on trembling arms. "I want you inside. I want to come with you inside."

Viktor sat up, unfastening his pants without question. They both knew they weren't going to last long, but Yuuri didn't need it to last long. It was the mutual release he needed, fast and sloppy, mindless and adoring. They were kissing again, Yuuri pushing Viktor's shoulders back into the pillows and straddling his hips as they licked each other's mouths. They moved together as if sharing the same thoughts. Each knew what the other wanted and how to give it to them. Viktor's hands felt red-hot against the skin of Yuuri's back, gliding down his spine, pulling their hips flush so that his cock could rest against the curve of Yuuri's ass. Yuuri shuddered, leaning over Viktor to fish out a tube of lube from the bedside table's top drawer. Viktor impatiently bucked his hips against Yuuri's ass as Yuuri fought the drawer with trembling fingers, cock sliding between the cheeks as he absently kissed and licked Yuuri's chest.

"N-not fair," Yuuri choked out, his fingers finally curling around the tube. Viktor smiled against his chest, gently taking a nipple between his teeth. Yuuri squeezed a hearty dollop of lube into his hand and wrenched his arm behind his back to stroke Viktor's cock, fingers trembling around the hot organ. Viktor groaned, his fair eyebrows pinched together in a lovely grimace.

" _God_ , Yuuri, I'm already so close," he breathed, holding Yuuri's hips hard.

"Me too." When Yuuri was confident Viktor was properly lubed - or as properly as he could manage in his current state of sluttish incoherency - he straightened his spine and picked up his hips, expertly lining up Viktor's tip with his entrance. He eased his hips down, perhaps too quickly, but Yuuri was too horny and too desperate to notice how the head forced its way inside of him.

Viktor hissed a Russian curse through his teeth, his fingertips digging into Yuuri's hips. Yuuri could barely hear him through the cloud of arousal taking hold of his senses. He ached to be filled, as quickly as possible. Yuuri eased his hips down, feeling Viktor's cock open him up. The pit of his stomach was on fire. Every inch of him longed for Viktor, for his love, his voice, his body. Viktor bottomed out inside of him and Yuuri groaned, arching his back, sinking the penetrating length deeper still. His inner muscles clamped down possessively.

They were still for only a moment as they both let out quivering breaths. Yuuri picked up his hips and drove them down again just as Viktor jutted his own upwards, pelvises slapping together in harmony. They fell into a sloppy rhythm, Yuuri riding Viktor's cock like he was born to do it. Viktor released Yuuri's hips and offered his hands to Yuuri, fingers outstretched. Without hesitation Yuuri pressed his hands to Viktor's, interlacing their fingers, holding onto him for dear life as he humped Viktor's cock into his smoldering depths.

"Vitya- _oh god_ , _Vitya,_ _ **yes**_ -"

" _Yuuri…. Yuuri….. Yuuri…._ "

Yuuri's release was coming like a freight train, building up in his stomach and loins like it meant to tear him asunder. He could tell Viktor was just about there, too. Viktor's eyes were dark and bleary, errant silver hair sticking to his slick forehead, lips parted to issue shallow pants and groans. Dear god, he was beautiful. And he was Yuuri's. Of all the people on Earth who desired Viktor Nikiforov, Katsuki Yuuri was the only one who knew his love. The only one.

"Yuuri- Yuuri, you're so amazing, _so amazing_ -" Viktor gripped Yuuri's hands so hard Yuuri couldn't curl his fingers. "I love you so much… I love you, Yuuri…"

Yuuri's orgasm tore through him, unmercifully fueled by Viktor's words. He was dying, floating, a strangled scream escaping his throat, his spine bending beautifully. Viktor followed him not a moment later, thrusting to the hilt, sitting up to hug Yuuri fiercely to his chest as they rode through it together. He chanted Yuuri's name close to his ear, adoringly, deliriously, and Yuuri shook and gasped, Viktor's seed filling him up in thick spurts.

They remained locked together, their breath slowing, their cock's softening. Yuuri could feel the wet mess he'd made between their bodies. He buried his face in the crook of Viktor's neck, kissing the spot his lips found there. Viktor exhaled a shaky sigh, running his hands methodically along Yuuri's spine, fingers dancing against the spasming back muscles.

"Yuuri, you're incredible," Viktor purred, nuzzling Yuuri's ear. "So sexy, I just couldn't last."

"I should be the one saying that," Yuuri sleepily chuckled. They separated, though Yuuri remained firmly seated in Viktor's lap. He pressed a gentle kiss to Viktor's mouth. They enjoyed each other for a contented moment until Yuuri broke the silence. "Thank you," he breathed, with all his heart.

Viktor beamed and swiped some dark hair away from Yuuri's eyes. "You haven't opened your gift yet," he said.

Yuuri eyed the wrapped item on the bedside table. "Oh, may I?" he asked, reaching for it.

"Mm," Viktor answered easily, busying himself with wiping the both of their stomachs off with the towel he'd strategically folded under the pillows.

They were still connected, so Yuuri was careful as he retrieved it. While he gingerly unwrapped the gift, Viktor slid his hands down Yuuri's arms, watching his husband's face with an attentive, sleepy smile.

It was too dim and Yuuri wasn't wearing his glasses, so he wasn't entirely certain what he had just unwrapped. He dropped the soft object into his hand, turning it over, feeling it between his fingers.

"Are these… Laces?" Even without glasses he knew the feeling of laces between his fingers, though they were incredibly small. Small and white, faded with age. "Skate laces?"

"Yes," Viktor answered.

"Uhh," Yuuri closed the laces in his hands, offering Viktor a hesitant smile. "Viktor, I really appreciate it, but I'm not sure I'm ready to get back on the ice right now, even for fun. And… Erm, I'm not sure these would fit, anyway."

Viktor laughed delightedly, holding Yuuri's hips. "No no no… Yuuri, you don't recognize them?"

Yuuri's brow creased in surprise and he gave the laces another long look. "Erm… _Should_ I recognize them…?"

Viktor smiled warmly, closing Yuuri's hands together and holding them between his own. "These are your very first laces, from your very first pair of skates." He giggled musically. "Amazing how tiny they are, right? I just about _melted_ when I saw them."

Yuuri's eyes became round. He glanced down at their hands and the small laces within, his lips parted in surprise. "These are _mine_?" he asked incredulously. "How… How in the world did you _get_ these?"

"Well, not some seedy online auction, if that's what you're thinking," Viktor laughed, gently pulling Yuuri's hands apart. "I asked your mother if she had your skates from when you were little. You should see all of the stuff she has, from both you and your sister! I may or may not have spent several hours going through it all, and I may or may not have found several dozen adorable baby pictures, too."

Yuuri stared down at the tiny laces in his hands. These were the first skate laces he'd ever tied. His throat was tight with emotion, but he wasn't sure if it was good or bad. Good, he thought. He curled his fingers around the thin fabric, holding it to his chest.

"Why…?"

Viktor gently touched Yuuri's face. "Because, these laces are a part of you. Skating is a part of you, and it always will be, but it doesn't define you. It helped shape you into the person you are today, the person that I love, the person who gives _my_ life meaning."

Yuuri's hands trembled. He could feel his emotions overflowing inside of his chest, shaken loose by their raw, heated moment and Viktor's overwhelming affection for him.

"These laces may be painful now, but I want you to see them as I do: a precious part of you that changed your life for the better, that opened the door to both failure and victory." Viktor gently pulled Yuuri's hand to his lips, kissing his palm. He eyed Yuuri with a soft expression, his icy orbs partially obscured by long, delicate lashes. "These laces brought you to me."

Emotion surged into Yuuri's throat, coming out as a pitiful sob. He felt like he was drowning. Drowning in grief, in love. In memories. Tears spilled from his eyes and rolled down his cheeks as if he were expelling every negative thought within his body. It felt cleansing. He rushed back into Viktor's embrace, crying hard into his shoulder. Viktor wrapped him up in his arms, holding him tight, burying his nose in Yuuri's hair and murmuring calming words.

Yuuri wasn't sure how much time passed before he'd managed to stop crying. Once he'd started, it was difficult to stop. Viktor had opened the floodgates of his grief and anxiety, and it poured out of him until there was absolutely nothing left. He pulled away to wipe his face, his shoulders still twitching with residual sobs. Viktor fussed with him tenderly, brushing his thumb over Yuuri's flushed cheeks.

"I'm a mess," Yuuri groaned. Viktor grinned.

"A _beautiful_ mess," he remarked.

"There's no way someone can be beautiful when their nose is running," Yuuri laughed feebly.

"Hmm… Well, maybe you have a point," Viktor teased.

Yuuri laughed into the back of his hand, still holding his laces tightly in his fingers. He inhaled deeply through his nose, feeling like he could breathe - _really_ breathe - for the first time in weeks. He knitted his hands behind Viktor's neck, touching their foreheads together. "Thank you," Yuuri said wistfully. "Thank you so much. I… I don't really know what I did to ever deserve someone as amazing as you, but I swear I won't ever take it for granted again. Thank you for everything you do." Yuuri inhaled a shaky breath. "Thank you for loving me."

Viktor's mouth tugged into a soft grin. He spoke a familiar phrase in Russian, one that Yuuri had heard enough times to know it's precise meaning.

_I love you you with all my heart, with all my soul._

Yuuri squeezed the small white laces into his palm. His life wasn't over just because he couldn't skate. A curtain had closed, a new one had opened. He would grieve his loss and he would move on, and Viktor would be there for him every step of the way.

So long as Viktor Nikiforov was by his side, he could overcome anything.

**Author's Note:**

> Lubov moya - "my love"
> 
> these two are currently responsible for all of my suffering /lies down
> 
> Yuri!!! on Ice pulled my depressed ass from the pits of writers block hell to write this fic. I have others I want to write too, before I lose the inspiration... I hope I can, because I've fallen for these precious idiots _hard_.
> 
> Please leave a comment if you enjoyed! ♥(ˆ⌣ˆԅ)


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